glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just threw up on my dentist
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a beard to bite.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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