I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
