i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
