They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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