He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
