How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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