Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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