I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
