I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
