i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
