i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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