i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
