I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
