It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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