He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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