Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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