we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just cropdusted the office
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just high enough for therapy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
