I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
