Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
