I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
