Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
