I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
