Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
