I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
