In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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