Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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