haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
