Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
