I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
