ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize