this beer tastes like vomit already
you win again, gameday.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
