Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
