you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
