you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
