Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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