I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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