So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
