Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
