WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mom said you looked used
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
