Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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