put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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