how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
