i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
