just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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