So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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