very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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