Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
