i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
