In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize