That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
