look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is the high leading the old right now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
