Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
