you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
