I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
