I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
