Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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