Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
