is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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