He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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