Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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