why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
