Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
