I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
