Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
