Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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