Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
