Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
