You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
