i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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