My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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