Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
