I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
