The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
