We got so high we made milksteak
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
