i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
