if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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